You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
