but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
