Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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