I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Randomize
