Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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