I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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