I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
