I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
