I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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