But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
