Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
