i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
