I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
