Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
