all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
