That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
