hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
