Plan B is the new Plan A
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
