Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
