He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
