Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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