I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
