Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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