Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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