I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my poor anus
It's rum buckets o'clock
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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