I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
