another moral hangover. fuck.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
