are you still at the devil's house?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
