look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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