Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
