just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize