remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
