Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
