I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
