Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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