could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
