guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
