the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
