Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Randomize
