toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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