how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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