Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
