He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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