i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the day after is always just damage control
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
