I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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