dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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