I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
