So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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