Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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