Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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