There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
