Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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