That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
